Monday, June 29, 2009

Debate via Sony Ericsson.

Enjoy! I haven't made this up, BTW. It was just a series of SMSs between me and a friend. I'm AJ and she's AR. I take credit for any jellyfish or Princess Diana references in the story.

AJ- Hello, and welcome to ADBATES! Our first topic is-

AR -Basically, if you're all thin, fair and rich, you're the only one who deserves to live.

AJ- Interesting! Nominated by...?

AR- AR.

AJ- Right. And I'm AJ, neh?

AR- Totes.

AJ- Some people are just BORN half-wits, AR.

AR- I know, AJ! There's this one I know who thinks she's the reason the rest of the world dwelleth for, because she's a size NONE.

AJ- Gasp audibly, audience! *widens eyes*

AR - Honestly, you there! In aisle 3, eigth lass from the left! I invite you up here onstage!

*cue applause*

AJ- Yes, come on up! *whispers to co-host "You SURE she's a... lass, then?*

AR - *Whispers, "WATCH!"* What's your name, darling?

Girl- Gina.

AR- Well, you look like a pretty teenager! Tell me, do your friends think you are humble about your looks?

Gina - Of course! I'm extremely modest about my ridiculously good looks and great figure. I just don't want to hurt others who aren't as perfect as I am.

*crowd boos*

Gina- You're all just JEALOUS. I- AAAAAARRRRGH! TOMATO ALERT!

*ducks but is tripped by AJ into jellyfish tank*

AR - AJ, NO VIOLENCE! Now, Gina, I'm going to call up the friend you came with. *points to average looking girl*

Girl 2- Hi, my name's Darcy!

AR- Well, Gina. Let's see what Darcy here has to say about you?

D - THAT bytch? She thinks she's princess Caroline! In fact, I wish she was Princess Diana. BECAUSE THEN SHE WOULD BE DEAD. Although those burns do seem kinda awful-

AJ- CATFIGHT! Meow!

AR- Moving on. And stop thinking about jellyfish, AJ! What is WRONG with you?

AJ- Sorry. I was thinking about my Economics test, if you get my drift. Now Gina, what do you have to say to Darcy?

G - DARCY! YOU SAID JUST LAST NIGHT THAT I TOOK CHAD'S BREATH AWAY!

D - Because of your body odour, loser.

AR- You know, Gina. Some people CAN be better than you!

D - You couldn't know who Nietsche is to save your life.

G - I do too! Look, I'm wearing her awesome shoes RIGHT NOW!

D - Please be joking.

*AR and AJ snigger in the audience*

G - Hmmph. You're all jealous because I'm pretty and smart. I want CHADDY- POO!!!

AR - Shut up, and understand why we hate people like you.


*THE END*

It's short and unbelievably stupid. Just like how AR and AJ roll. =D

LOVE TO AR, WHEREVER SHE IS!

Moral Of The Story- We hate airheads who think that their ruined pair of Versace sunglasses are more important than being nice.

LONG LIVE THE VENDETTA!

*vulcan hand gesture*

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Rambling Is What I Do.

Have any of you had the feeling you're being watched? And I don't mean "Hey, baby. How you doin'?" or "I see you! Now stop hiding under the dining table and do your homework."

I mean "M15 - Is - Watching - Your - Every - Move - And - You - Can't - Hide" kind of watched.

Yeah, me neither.

But it's a good conversation starter, right?

"Hello, Taylor. What's new in your life?"
"I'm sorry, Cynthia. But I can't talk. I'm being *looks suspiciously around bushes* WATCHED."
"*wide eyes* REALLY? You have to call the police!"
"Sigh. My sweet Cynthia. The police are NO MATCH FOR THE *looks suspiciously around bushes* M15."
"*gasps audibly* No!"
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes."
"No!"
"*yelps suddenly* They're coming to get me!"
"NO!"
"WOULD YOU JUST GET OVER IT?"
"No!"

It's interesting the way it would have turned out. Taylor, being the suspicious one, would have a nagging feeling that Cynthia may not be an ally. In fact, she may be *looks suspiciously around speakers of computer* ONE OF THEM.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN.

You may have guessed right now that I'm not in a very stable state. Indeed, as I type these words, I am gulping down my fourth mug of coffee. Coffee GOOD. Me like COFFEE.

*frazzled look*

Let's talk about more pressing issues, though. Like my BIRTHDAY!!! YAY ME!!! I'M TURNING 14!!!

Which is still unbearably young, but I'm not too fussy.

Alright, now that the joy for having a birthday is over (It actually started this morning and ended after I ate breakfast) I want to talk about something else.

As many of you know, I'm not the best person you ask to make decisions on what to do. I mean, my idea of fun is to crawl under my quilt, put the Air Conditioner at 16 degrees Celsius, have a glass of Coke (the drink, you freaks) and a chicken sandwich next to me, as I read a nice book.

It would also be nice if there was no one there to knock on the door and say "AISU! GIVE THIS BOX OF HEAVY EQUIPMENT TO THE DOWNSTAIRS OFFICE!"

But, like I said, I'm not too fussy.

In fact, right at this moment, the doorbell has rung twice, and my dad is yelling at me to open the door.

From across the hall. Don't comment on my father's freakishly strong voice. It just makes me think of a jail warden

Or Mussolini.

But my dad ALSO uses that freakishly strong voice to shout at annoying Subway cashiers who force me to get more change.

Nyaha.

Oh, dear. I have to leave for my birthdy lunch.

So for the time being, just ponder on the words of wisdom here while I run to the car.

PASTA AWAITS!

The Curse Of The Ratings

Me- "Hello, Theatre x?"
Theatre Guy (T.G) - "Yes, Information speaking, how may I help you?"
Me- "I'd like to book three tickets for the 3:45 show for Angels & Demons."
T.G- "Alright, may I have your Theatre x Membership number?"
Me- "x1x1x1x1x1x1x1x1x"
T.G- "Great. The bill for this booking will be deducted from your original deposit."
Me- "Thanks. I'll let my parents know."

*pause*

T.G - "I'm sorry, what?"
Me - "My parents. I'll let them- I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep you from your other calls. Thanks a lot."
T.G - "No! Wait! How old are you?"

*pause*

Me - "I'm sorry, I don't think I'm at liberty to answer that."
T.G - "No, what I meant was that you don't sound older than 18, and because Angels & Demons is rated 'A', we won't be permitting you to enter unless you show valid ID."

*pause*

T.G - "Miss, are you there?"
Me - "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* c l i c k *

This was how my conversation with a certain theatre went this evening.
I'm sure many of you would have experienced something like this before-

"Mum, can I watch the new James McAvoy movie?"
"Sure. It isn't rated Restricted though, right?"
"Um, sure?"

Ideally, I'd like to tell my mum the truth. But, HELLO. "WANTED" was rated ADULT because of its violence sequences. NOT BECAUSE OF YOU-KNOW-WHAT. (My aunt and uncle read this blog. To them, I show nothing but respect, obedience and a value of my life).

Back to my rant -um- point.

These ratings. They're PREPOSTROUS! But no. I'm not talking about American ratings. Since they have a broader variety to choose from, it's not that bad. I mean,you have General, PG, PG-13... In the end, the only ones I can't watch because of the stupid theatre security would be NC-17 ones, and Restricted ones.

But in INDIA? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

We only have Universal, Adult, and Universal/Adult.

What good is THAT?

Most of the time, ADULT would be for the most DUMBEST of reasons. Did you know that Universal/Adult was given to an ANIMATED MOVIE?

*cue bad Indian accent*

"Oh, but there is the so much violent!"

Yeah, because watching ElastiGirl throw a bad guy out of the aircraft while morphing into a boat to save her kids is SO SCARY.
Pfft.

I want to watch Angels & Demons. Is that such a bad thing? I mean, COME ON. It's got Tom Hanks and Ewan McGregor in it!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Breathe. In. Breathe. Out.

So what happens NOW, you ask? "Does Aisu FINALLY get to see the movie?"

Yes, she does. In a crappy movie theatre with bad popcorn and flat Coca-Cola.
What GOOD, is watching a box-office hit, in a bad theatre?

It's so sad, I think I might cry.

And kill the Indian Censor Board in a fit of violent rage.

Ooooooh. DOES THAT COUNT AS "ADULT", buddy?

*death glare*