Sunday, October 18, 2009

Any similarities is purely coincidental.

The world is at a stand still. It was deemed unimaginable, but it has happened.

Yes- Anonymouse, one of the greatest entrepreneurs/authors the world has had the opportunity to see, died in her 900 trillion dollar mansion last Friday.

The Times of Bloggerdom gives you this exclusive report on the life and times of the phenomenon that took the world by storm.

Anonymouse was born in a small town somewhere in Asia where her family's only source of income came from selling dairy products. Anonymouse grew up in the secluded village with only her pet goat Harvey as a friend.

Anonymouse grew up to be a lonely teenager. She had no interest in continuing the family's dairy business and was almost thrown out of her village when she expressed her desire of becoming a writer: most likely because she was illiterate at the time.

However, this brave girl started to learn the English alphabet and soon became smart enough to get a scholarship at Harvard. No one knows how, and neither does anyone care. Her studies at Harvard Law were tough. Even Anonymouse has admitted that she felt "ashamed that Harvey was not allowed into her dorm".

After getting her degrees, she went on to get a job at a prestigious law firm where she went on to become one of the most successful prosecutors the legal system has ever seen.

During her period of awesomeness she wrote many best-selling novels that remained in best-seller lists for more than 25 months. One of her books won the Booker Prize, one won a Pulitzer and 4 others were nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature.

After many years of such awesomeness, Anonymouse decided to set up a business revolving around Harvey. The goat was now very well known and had gained popularity in many countries- it also featured in Vogue, Grazia and Esquire.

Anonymouse decided to set up a goat facility that could provide care for underpriveleged goats. It became very famous and was growing at a fast rate. Many donations were made in favour of this noble and ingenious cause, most notably from Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who donated 200 million dollars to the organization. Many frowned on this vast expenditure, which many felt could have been spent on the poverty struck people of India. But the PM responded by saying that "Goats are much cuter than poor people. So boo-hoo."

Anonymouse was now at her golden years. Anonymouse did not choose to marry, because she felt she was too awesome to be held back by some one else, so she remained a spinster till her demise.

She soon fell into depression when the doctors said that her persistent allergies were caused by goat fur. Harvey was soon sent to GOATS HUZZAH Inc and Anonymouse once described her feelings at the time- "When Harvey left, he took away a part of my soul. It was painful. I was like Voldermort. And Harvey's my Horcrux".

Because of her depression, she focused her attention on eating and not managing GOATS HUZZAH Inc. Because of this, the company crumbled and all the goats were adopted by Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

Anonymouse soon suffered from coronary heart disease, and her doctors said that her painful death was caused from eating a packet of Maltesers.

Anonymouse is a legend in her own right. We should pay our respects on this sad occasion.

Harvey is still alive, and is now the heir to a small fortune.

Rest in peace, our pride... our joy... our goat-defender... Anonymouse.


Chavie said...

mad! O_O you know, goats remind me of Aberforth and that Palestinian dude from 'You Don't Mess with the Zohan'! ;) lol

RIP Anonymouse, defender of goats! :(

Anonymouse said...

At least I'm not trying to kill a wannabe-gay hairdresser. :P

RIP! Though She Who Eats Cookies will probably get the deeper meaning of it...

Thanks for the layout help, btw!

Chavie said...

no problemo! :D and O.o about the deeper meaning... :S

Anjani.... said...

On a totally unrelated note, the fandom speculates that Aberforth eventually falls in love with the goats. He was prosecuted "practicing inappropriate charms on goats".... and Jo said something at the Harry, Carrie and Garp event in NYC...

Gadgetgirl said...

Ive always felt for beloved Cows. Moo! However man, But that goatie guy just held my nerve.:"( RIP

Gadgetgirl said...

Oh dayum. Oh its Anonymouse who dieed. Sheez
RIP, Anonymouse. :(

Anonymouse said...

@GadgetGirl- Totally having a O_O expression right now!
The goat did not die. FEAR NOT! :D