Chilling in my room, listening to Green Day. I have an english test on friday... writing obituaries, how appropriate... we're out of maltesers, dammit-
Stunned. Looks around suspiciously for mass murderer armed with steak knife.
Aiyyo! it's reaching the banister! Oh my gaaawd!!!!
Runs down hallway. Finds mother and grandmother cowering behind sofa.
What are you doing?!
Listens to teary tale of finding a rat on the ground floor. Widens eyes at the shrieking adults pointing at a small, mysterious figure trying to scurry up the stairs.
Piercing scream from three generations of frightened women.
Grandmother narrows eyes. We have to get rid of it. NOW.
Mother and myself nod furiously.
Well?! bellows grandmother, Call the watchman!! What are you waiting for?!
Mother runs to intercom. Grandmother spots another pest- this time an enormous white cockroach.
Mother runs back. He's coming-he'll take another 10 minutes!
Mother spots the cockroach Grandmother has found. Wields her house chappal in crazed fashion.
No no, says grandmother, picking up a chair from the side Let me do it-
And she decapitates the cockroach.
I almost pass out, but the sound of the scurrying rat downstairs hits me like a speeding train.
EEEEEEK! AMMA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! screeches mother.
It had to be done says grandmother with a defeated sigh.
I'm here I'm here! Memsahib rat where it is?!?! shouts watchman.
It's crawling up your leg!!! I yell.
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE says watchman, shaking his legs in an oddly comical dance.
Another shake of the leg causes the tiny rat to be flung across the ground floor. The rodent lands with a thud.
Is it over? I ask fearfully.
The rat scurries out of the house as if in answer.
It is over says grandmother looking at the decapitated cockroach Now who wants to eat idlis for dinner, eh?
Mother and myself pass out.